Call your attorney or your therapist?

1. My spouse put the house on the market for sale and didn’t consult me – call your attorney. (issue regarding marital assets)

2. My spouse told our neighbor we were getting a divorce and I am furious that the neighborhood knows now – call your therapist. (issue regarding trust and anger)

3. My spouse went on a date with a friend of mine – call your therapist. ( issue regarding trust, anger and fear)

4. My spouse enrolled our child in a new school without my permission – call your attorney (issue regarding joint custody).

5. My spouse set up a separate parent-teacher conference with my son’s teacher and I don’t want to attend separate conferences for fear of the teacher telling me one thing and the other parent something different – call your therapist (this is more of a trust issue).

Please don’t think that your attorney doesn’t care, or you shouldn’t tell him or her certain things.  While many of the issues you will discuss with your therapist are pertinent to your divorce case, it is best to deal with the emotions of the specific situation with your therapist.   Attorney’s understand that divorce is an emotionally traumatic event, and if they can guide you to someone to help you heal the wounds, your attorney is doing a good job.

1. No one wins in a divorce.  No one loses in divorce.  You both have lost your marriage.  Divorce is not about winning and losing.  Most divorces are settled through agreements made between the parties and their has to be a great deal of compromise from each side.

2. Over 90% of divorces do not go to trial.  Why would you spend a lot of extra money on an attorney who is a trial expert?  Focus on the negotiating skills of the attorney.

3. Kansas has a 60-day waiting period before your divorce can be final.  Why would you hire an attorney that averages 12 – 18 month long divorces?  Admittedly, some complicated divorces, high assets, family owned business, inheritance, etc., may take more time.  However, the average divorce should not take one year to complete.  You want an attorney that works on helping you learn to communicate better with your spouse, cope with the changing dynamics and assist you in making decisions that will lessen the negative impact on you, your children and their well-being.

1. You will not get your money back from your previous attorney.  You will have to pay him/her for the time spent on your case and obtaining the withdrawal.
2. You will have to give you new attorney a retainer
3. Your legal fees may be higher when you switch counsel, as your new attorney will need to get up to speed on your case and file his/her entry of appearance
4. The resolution of your case will most likely be delayed if you switch counsel

Here is the full article:

I am frequently asked by prospective divorce clients if I will be aggressive… or a pit bull… or a shark.  They phrase it differently.  But, many folks facing divorce think that what they need is the most aggressive divorce lawyer in Alabama (or whatever jurisdiction they happen to be in).

In my years of divorce practice I have seen lots of lawyers handle divorce cases.  There are as many different styles as there are different lawyers.  But, I have also noticed three recurring styles of lawyer in particular.  I call them the lamb, the pit bull and the fox.

The lamb is the lawyer that just sort of goes with the flow.  They are reactive, not proactive.  They want to avoid confrontation at all costs and that means they also want to avoid going to court at all costs, even if it means convincing their clients to settle for significantly worse terms than they should.  The lamb may even be afraid to try the divorce case. He will rarely, if ever, tell his client that he should not sign a settlement offer that is being extended from the other side even if that offer is clearly inequitable.  Thankfully, there are not a lot of lambs that last very long as divorce lawyers.

Much more prevalent is the pit bull, who is exactly the opposite.  They hate to settle cases.  In fact, some of them won’t do anything proactive to try to settle their divorce cases.  It is almost as if they take some type of perverse joy in seeing the “blood running in the streets.”   The truth is that often they do this simply to develop and maintain a reputation as “Bad Leroy Brown…baddest man in the whole damn town.”  When a spouse is angry and in the emotional stage of wanting to exact revenge, they want to be the name on everyone’s lips when that aggrieved spouse asks their neighbor who is the meanest SOB in town.  And, so they work hard to maintain that reputation because it makes them a lot of money.

The sad part is that acting like a pit bull is rarely, if ever, in their own client’s best interests.  Of course, the pit bull’s main concern is not their client. If you know anything about pit bulls, you will know that they are very aggressive and vicious. But, they are not thinking animals.  They act only on instinct.  When they fight, they not only destroy the dog they are fighting, but by their own actions hurt themselves and anything else around them (which often includes their own client’s and their client’s children).

The pit bull is aggressive for the sake of being aggressive, not for any long-term benefit it brings their client.  Often people going through divorce will think they need an aggressive lawyer to represent them in their divorce.  They are wrong.  What they need is a lawyer who is assertive.  There is a difference.  It is the difference between the pit bull and the fox.

The fox is wise and cunning.  He sees the big picture.  The fox is assertive when he needs to be, compromising when it benefits his clients’ long-term best interests, and always aware of the many different consequences his actions have on his clients.  He stands on principle. Yet, he is a strong advocate for his client when it promotes his client’s long-term best interests.  He recognizes that reaching a fair settlement is always preferable to trying the case and leaving it up to the judge.  Yet, he also knows that if a fair settlement is not forthcoming, then he must be willing and able to prepare to effectively litigate the case in court.

When choosing a divorce lawyer, you should avoid the lamb and the pit bull at all costs.  Instead, find yourself a fox.

What Am I Paying For?

Before signing a fee agreement with an attorney, you want to know what you are paying for and exactly how much.   Ask the following general questions:

• Is this an hourly fee or flat fee?
• How much is the retainer?  Is it refundable?
• Is the flat fee a one-time payment, or can it be split into payments?
• Do you accept credit cards?
• How much does it cost to file for divorce?  Is this included in the flat fee?
• What is the average cost of a divorce?
• Do I pay for faxes and copies?  How much?
• Is it cheaper if I email you or call you on the phone?
• What if I can’t pay you?

Any agreement you sign with an attorney should be in writing and signed by both you and the attorney.

• Communication: You should always meet with an attorney prior to hiring him or her.  If time does not permit to meet face to face, a phone conversation should suffice.  Can you follow what the attorney is discussing with you or is he/she not on your level?  Did you feel that the attorney was listening to you and understanding your issues?
• Specialization: Family law can be complicated and it is best to choose a lawyer who practices primarily or exclusively in the area of divorce and family law.
• Promises: If the attorney guarantees a specific outcome of the case, this is a red flag.  You should never hire an attorney that guarantees decisions that will be made by the Judge, or settlement agreements.  No attorney can predict the outcome of any case, no matter how simple or complicated the issues are.
• Standards:  What is the attorney’s policy on returning phone calls or emails?  Does the attorney do his/her best to return calls within 24 hours?  Does the attorney have office staff to assist you in reaching the attorney in a time of emergency?  How long did it take the attorney to return your initial phone call or email?
• Comfort:  Did the attorney make you feel comfortable?  Did you feel comfortable sharing your personal story and details with the attorney? Do you feel that you trust the attorney?  Did you feel your attorney was compassionate about assisting you through this hard time in your life?
• Organized: Do you feel that the attorney has a good plan regarding the direction that he/she will take to resolve your case?  Did the attorney fully explain the divorce process and the steps required?  Do you feel that your attorney is organized with a timeline so your case can be handled efficiently?